Life sucks

It's time to pull the plug on this blog.

I haven't had any inspiration to write something worth while
All I tend to do lately is piss and moan about my daughter's problems.
They don't seem to go away.
Tonight I once again sat with her, holding her trembling thin body, trying to assure her things will be alright...
I can understand that she cannot believe that right now.

So I'll pay her overdue bills once again, pull Boo out of Day Care, for the time being. Babysit her full time again, until Bugs gets caught up, or gets a better paying job so she can afford it again.

Bugs is going to apply at a new chicken franchise here in town Zaxby's tomorrow. For a management position.
Her job at Taco Mac is just too much of a hassle. Her shifts are weird, like 11-2 and then a two hour break, and then from 5 til 11 or 12. She lives too far away, and the gas is too expensive for her to run home on her "break" She comes home exhausted. Some days she makes decent tips, other times people stiff her, something that's a new experience for her. People being complete morons when it comes to tipping. You simply cannot live on a day to day salary, as opposed to a paycheck every two weeks. You can if you had a cushion to begin with, but she doesn't have that.

Daddy's father found me on Face book and asked to be my "friend" He and Nana want to see the baby and don't understand why they can't.
I wrote him back that I cannot add him, that I will not go behind my daughter's back and let them visit Boo. After a few posts back and forth, and I told him not to ask anymore, that they would just have to wait for their son to get his shit together, pay what he owes the mother of his child, and perhaps then we can negotiate something.

Anyway, you've heard it all before. This blog is getting bogged down with stuff no one wants to hear.

For those of you who would like to stay in touch, you know my email.

For those of you who want to give me a few thousand bucks...let me know and I'll send you my bank account number.

Just kidding.

Have a good life y'all

SGMKJ

Sunday, August 16

We finally have some overcast that is making life a bit more bearable outside. That slight breeze is welcome too.
Boo and I took a little stroll. Primarily to get her pooped so she would take a long nap.
She loves to wander in other peoples yards, look for bugs, check out the flowers. So more often than not, the neighbors will open their doors and talk with her. It's really kind of cute.
Especially now that she can answer their questions.
She surprised us this morning by reciting the names of the months, in perfect order. She also knows the days of the week now.
I guess she learned that at Day Care.
It's amazing to watch her grow and get so smart.
She loves to sing. LOUD. In the car, in the bath, in bed. She's got perfect pitch too, amazing!

So we enjoy her when she is here. Although she is on one of those hate opa streaks, doesn't want to have anything to do with him. It took both me and Bugs to explain to him that it wasn't personal, that it's a phase. (He must have forgotten about this terrible two's thing)

This week was reasonably calm. Bugs only freaked out once, but then, she is very tired and still pretty stressed out.The job is getting a bit easier, now that she has established herself, but working as a server, trying to pay your bills on time when you're not certain how much money you're going to make, that's a challenge.
I wish they would pay wait persons the minimal wage. $2.50 is just insane. Especially for the ones who get the lousy schedules. And it's hard work too. You deal with some nasty people.

We've decided to just put an end to the car accident issue. Neither insurance company is willing to pay. The guy who hit her's insurance claims SHE was at fault. Her lawyer thinks it's a waste of money and effort to pursue it. He'd rather have a case with injuries, of course. More money to be made.
What a world we live in.

So now she's dealing with the house. When she gets her paycheck she has to fax copies of two of them to her mortgage company, so they can re figure her loan.
HA!
I don't think she'll be able to refinance it, even with the new program. She just doesn't make enough right now.

The past few weeks she has been started to get migraines. She has a follow up appointment with Doctor Tim on Thursday.

Everyone else is reasonably fine. My parents are doing well. Mom sounds better ever time I call. I hope she doesn't overdo it. She complains that my father doesn't have the oomph to do anything.
I know. I've got one of those too.

Yesterday I received a DVD from my brother in NZ. His daughter's wedding film. It was so wonderful to watch. My brother is just such a sweet guy. It was very touching for me to see his kind face with that white hair and beard. And my sister in law watching with that delightful smile on her face. It's great to watch your kind get married. I haven't had that experience...yet... So I am so glad they had a nice wedding, that their other daughter was able to come from England and be there as well.
I wish the couple well. And I hope my brother and sister in law will be able to enjoy a little grand child one of these days.

So here we are, smack in the middle of August.

I can't wait for October, when the heat will be gone, the colors will come back.

SGMKJ

Surprise!

Bugs had the day off yesterday and was in a good space to sit herself down and get some phone calls out of the way.

She called her mortgage company first, to see if her house sold at the auction.

Surprise!!!

They pulled it off the market. They are now offering her one of the new modified loans (thank you Mr. Obama!!) and will be sending her the info package in a few weeks. She might end up paying only $700/month. That's less then her rent now.

But, there is the "other loan". She called them too, and they also were able to tell her they could lower her payment as well.

So now what?

She's been out of that house for almost a year now. I feel so guilty for pushing her to find another place, so afraid the sheriff would come knocking on her door and evict her.
But then, who knew?? Damn, she could have stayed and saved tons of money. :<(

She is excited. We're sitting back and will be keeping our mouth shut, and watch the show.

She also called her insurance company about the accident. Her agent was surprised that the other company refused to pay. He suggested she contact the State Insurance Board. He told her the process would be very slow, but it would pay off in the end. So, no lawyer.

The roller coaster cars are on their way up.....

SGMKJ!

Wake Up! (and now for something completely different

A_wakeupcall_call.wmv

Friend of mine sent me this today, See if you can copy/paste it and watch it.

Here are my thoughts about this:


Okiedokie

So what are we supposed to do, get everyone to have tons of kids? Don't look at me, this factory is closed!

I can stand back and look at the big picture of the universe. Huge changes have happened through the ages, from the beginning of time. It's inevitable.

Changes like the ice ages, Jurasic times etc, the Romans conquering most of Europe, Germans, Huns, Kelts in the middle ages, all moving around Europe driving others out, settling in themselves; the frigging Vikings, plundering and taking over, the American Indians banned from their land to make room for US. The Dutch stealing people from Africa and selling them and creating a new culture in America. How about the industrial revolution? The Inquisition?

These mind boggling changes have gone on forever.

We cannot expect life to stay the way it is, too many dynamics going on in the world. Too few strong and sensible leaders to keep it all going in the right direction. What IS the right direction anyway?

They've been worried in Holland since the early 60s. They've watched and welcomed these foreigners with open arms, giving them homes, and money, free health care. Why? And now everyone bitches about it. Now that the government is starting to show brown faces.
Too late! Holland is a very small country, a very crowded country. It's mind boggling to realize how many people STILL continue to jam into this small country, already FULL of people. A country about a 13th of the size of the entire state of Georgia.

Going back to my hometown is a trip! Back in the old neighborhoods where my parents grew up, it's like walking around in Ankara! You no longer smell the cheese and the fried fish in the street markets, it's all cumin, cardamon, and curry. And women covered up from head to toe. And men with worry beads in their hands.

My parents watch this with shaking heads and big eyes, they do not really understand what has happened to their old neighborhoods. I guess for them it's already happened. My generation grew into the phenomena, or with it.

Frankly, I find it interesting to watch all this develop. All around us we see history in the making. There's no stopping it, it just IS.

I am not FOR it, I am not AGAINST it, I think it's an inevitable course of nature.

Just think about the issue with our Postal services...because of computers/email on it's way out the door like the Pony Express. The future demands progress in technology, science...who the hell knows where it will all ends up.

It doesn't frighten me, Our generation and the one of our kids won't really see the impact, We'll be dead, the kids will go with the flow. You hope.

For now I am happy to just pay attention to my family, our needs right here and now.

After all, we're less than a granule of sand in the universe.

And who knows? Some idiot might decide to just end it all with a few well places nuclear bombs.

Then what? We worried ourselves for nothing?


Enjoy your day, love the people around you.

Life is short enough as it is.

SGMKJ!

Silly Goose

AAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This is my Fake Smile Face

C'mere, gimme a kiss!






Uh Oh...I think I peepeed in my bucket

Silly Goose Face

There goes the neighborhood!

When Boo is here in the afternoon/evening, I try to take her on a "stroll'" after her bath. Been doing that since she was a wee baby, and it was/is always a very calming event for both of us.

We usually run into one of my neighbors. Don, who has a small dog, Buddy.
Boo always gets so excited to see Buddy. They both squeal when they see each other, Buddy "talking" and pulling his leash; Boo with her little arms reaching for him, screeching: BUDDEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Don is the neighborhood know-it-all. Also a member of the dratted HOA. Through him I keep abreast of the goings on in our little park. Yesterday he told me that at two of the homes are in foreclosure.
Gasp!
I was just wondering when it would start happening here!

The first one to fall was a divorcee who's husband stopped paying her alimony. She couldn't keep up with the payments, she tried to sell the house, but it didn't happen.

Another house is owned by a couple from New York. She told me they were selling because of their dog.
Yeah right.
They have a large beagle. This dog is in desperate need of a good training school. He's also not the type of dog you keep couped up in a small house all day. This guy wants to RUN, which he never gets to do.
So that was her excuse to me. Unfortunately, that's not the story.
So tragic. Who needs this crap when you are our age?

Another house sits empty since the owner died three years ago. She was at war with her only child, and bequeathed her entire estate to her church. Of course the daughter is fighting this, and thus nobody wins.
Two of my neighbor ladies next to me have both been forced to move to an assisted living facility for health reasons.

Their homes are empty, not for sale (yet).

Many folks have problems with their buildings. The guy who built this neighborhood used cheap labor and cut costs where he could. We are starting to feel the pinch.
You remember my leaking patio door?
Of course our warranties are expired by now.
Damn.

About 20% of the population owns their house out right. What a luxury that must be, knowing you OWN your home and don't OWE anything on it.

Three houses do have "for sale" signs on their lawns. No takers, however.

Don tells me they are all asking too much for it. Even though I know the value of these homes have gone DOWN since last year. Mine dove down about $20.000!

Ouch!

If you're wondering why I'm blabbering on an ond about my neighborhood....

We have the day OFF. I am forcing myself NOT to leave the house for ANYTHING today.
Instead I cleaned the bathrooms, tidied up a little.

Trying NOT to think about what's-her-name-with-what-problems today.

So far so good.

She hasn't called me ....yet....a good sign...

She has a short day today (11-2) and should be getting in touch with her lawyer and...OOPS...wasn't gonna do that! :>)

It's hotter 'n hell outside, in the 90s.

I pulled something around my left shoulder blade while cleaning the floor behind the toilet...excuses, excuses...I'm going to lie down and read.

SGMKJ!

Whew

We're doing okay.

She is feeling much better this morning, and more positive.

I could even hear a little smile in her voice.

Good thing too, now at least I could call my parents without having to lie about anything.

:>)

Still......we're not out of the woods by a long run.

SGMKJ!

Welcome to our black hole......

Thanks to those of you who have emailed me or left posts on Face book.
Things are pretty bleak here.

Not to sound like a complete drama queen, it feels like things couldn't get worse, but they do.
It's about Bugs. You can blame it on her not so wise decisions in the past, you can blame it on me for coddling her and bailing her out, blame it on Wheelie for allowing me to enable her, but the fact is, she has reached the bottom of the barrel.
The past week has been nothing but tears, hollow eyes, expressionless face.
All her energy goes to her job, in order to be a good employee and make tips. She stays late at night waiting for those assholes who feel they need to stay and linger over one beer. She needs her tip, so she has to stay. Last night it was 1:30 when she pulled up in my driveway.

Her rent is overdue, she's got $400 bucks to her name.
Her house will be auctioned off on Tuesday on the steps of City Hall. She is being bugged by debtors.
Her utilities are overdue. Her fridge pretty empty.

PH, who shares her home and bed most days isn't paying part of the rent. He has his reasons, like he's paying his mom's mortgage, big truck and bike payments, blah blah.
I finally had the chance to talk with him yesterday. Told him how worried we were, as she drove off to her job, face like a dishrag. He sounded sweet, supportive.

He's the cautious type. Not like us, we jump and go, hell or high water.
He has two job possibilities, while he hates working for the old boss. It takes him a while to make up his mind???
He is also considering giving the Navy a chance. Well, at this point he has our blessings. Good riddance.
Another manipulator? Snake in the grass? Or someone who's sensible?
Well, if he IS sensible, he should sleep in his own bed, live in his own house.

Now mind you, my daughter IS a drama queen. Her tears come easily. Freaks out at the drop of a pin. I blame myself for bailing her out every time she needed to.
And now the well is empty. My credit cards are at their limits. I have no cash.

So perhaps it's sinking in that, yes, Virginia, it's YOUR life, YOUR problem.

On Thursday she went to see my doctor, spoke with him at lenght, he gave her something for her nerves, since she didn't want any antidepressants. He wants her to gain 20 pounds. See him again in two weeks. He suggested she wait with the smoking quitting, no need for extra stress, he said, we can do that later. He wants her to EAT.

On Friday she did a few right things, went to DFACS and applied for everything she thought she was entitled to; help with daycare cost, food stamps, medicare for her and Boo. It might help, it might not, she might not qualify. But at least she made the effort.

She has called and left messages at a lawyer's office. No calls back. We need to go to court to fight the insurance company, who now says the accident was HER fault. (HUH??)
We also discovered that she lapsed her own insurance payment for a day or so, and was not insured when the accident happened, so THEY won't pay her either.

In order to get her car back I used my last credit card, paid the damn thing and the car rental as well.



So at 5 pm on Friday she calls me, wants me to come along and see some apartments she saw for rent.

WHY???

I humored her and went. I questioned her reason for looking, she can't afford to break her lease and move. She was pretty despondent. Her driving scared me. Taking wide turns, almost missing my driveway. I told her so. Told her she scared me.
After she was at DFACS she drove around all day looking for rentals. As opposed to going home and taking a good nap!



Yesterday when she was on her way to work, she called: Mom, I love you, thank you for going over and beyond for me...goodbye...

Scared me shittless, what to think of a call like that? I envisioned her aiming the car at the nearest tree.

I can SO understand people who commit suicide. Even the people you think are just fine, no problems. You never know what goes on inside a persons soul, never.
But I can understand it.

Strangely enough, my own troubles started when I was her age. More than once there was that black hole.
But I always had the balls to get through. Lots of tears, lots of worries, but in the end I always pulled myself up again.

I sincerely hope my parents forget to call me this week (it's their turn) I do not want to worry them with my tales of dread, they don't need it. I can't lie to my mother, she will know something is wrong.

Sometimes you need to take things day by day, sometimes hour by hour.
And that's where I am right now. Getting through the day playing with a two year old who's also bouncing off the wall. Not giving in to her whining...popsicle?...Binkie???....Elmo????
She finally fell asleep while I sat at the end of her bed (the one I slid off the other day and nearly broke my hip, bruising my back and hurting my pride) singing songs.

Bugs is working until 5 today. She is good at her job, extremely conscientious, if she hangs on she can really make good money, and work herself upward in the company.
She is second guessing herself now too about leaving her other job. Wondering if she should break down and go back to the better salary, the people she calls her friends (but never called after she left) the abusive boss.
Her new job is 25 miles away, so she pays ten bucks per day in gas.

Time has come for her. It's Do or Die...no pun intended. God, that sounds awful.
But it's up to her. We can only do so much, and we have. We love her to pieces, and it's so incredibly painful to see her like this.

One good thing is that Wheelie is coming out of his shell, and has been "on my side"

We'll leave the rest up to the higher powers, the common sense, and good thoughts of y'all.

SGMKJ!

Much better

Took Boo back to the doc on Wednesday and she was doing much better. Her Xrays showed a ghost of a virus, but no pneumonia.
She might be a candidate for Asthma, since she had eczema as a baby. But they don't (or can't) test her for that yet, so we're just going to watch "it" from now on.
She's done with her prednisone and doesn't need her albuterol anymore, so the nebulizer (on loan, thank you, doc) will go back when we see her again coming Wednesday.

And here we are, another weekend, almost the end of July. I'm not going to say it anymore, (time is just going too damn fast)
Bugs is working a regular schedule now, but disappointed that she is not getting the "good" tables and not making much in the way of tips. So she told her boss she is ready for the big time, and told the other waitresses to stop the "treat the newcomer like shit" stuff and let's get the job going.

Her car is all fixed and ready to go, but the insurance company is dragging it's feet and giving her the run around. I suggested she call them and threaten to get an attorney involved. They promised to get things moving.
You see, the guy's car (if is WAS his car) was insured, but he's not on the policy. The company has been trying to get a hold of him(???They have the police report, what more is needed?.)
HA! He's probably an illegal and no longer around. But Bugs is becoming a little more aggressive (about time) and hopefully she will get her car back (and me reimbursed for the rental)

My brother and his wife took my parents back to their/our old neighborhood. Many streets have been leveled and the rest is waiting to be. It was a bit heart breaking for my folks to see how everything was being torn up and vandalized, and weeds everywhere.

The picture of them in front of our old church is especially sad, as you can see, someone painted the number 666 on the wall. The church is no longer in use, but you'd think someone would take that off.
The building has always been butt ugly, and now with those blue gates it looks like some medieval prison. Brrr...

My cousin from Spain was visiting last week and took some pictures of my parents. My mom looks pretty worn out. She has lost a lot of weight (something nobody bothered to tell me) and frankly, it really shocked me to see that sad face, so hollow and drawn. My father, on the other hand, looks good. That twinkle in his eye, and the silly grin. Obviously so happy to have her home again.

It is really hitting them hard that they have become so dependent all of a sudden. Even a short trip in their carts to the store is no longer an option. Nor is going to church, which is across the street.

Needless to say their situation is creating a bit of worry here. I so wish to go and see them.
It's not a matter of money, hell, that's what credit cards are for, but I can't see my way out of leaving Bugs, Boo and Wheelie to their own devises, especially with the little one being sick.

But, nothing we can do about it I guess, que sera, sera.

I took Boo to the park this morning, they were charging $3.00 for parking. No way! I told them we were just going to see the ducks, and they let me through. Apparently there was a huge softball thing going on, including donkey rides, barbecues, huge baloonslide things.
Boo had a ball climbing on one of these monstrosities and me, my heart in my throat, watching her climb all the way to the top and bouncing all the way down, squealing with delight. This child has absolutely no fear! Good for her!

We did go see the ducks, but it being so early, they weren't very eager to interact with us.
So we played a little longer, took a stroll through the "woods" and went home again. Just in time too, the entire parking lot was full!

I gave her some lunch, we drew some pictures and played with some stickers, and off to bed it went for a good nap.

I am pooped, and it's only 12:30

*lol*

SGMKJ!

Now what?

Spent most of the morning at the pediatrician's office with a wheezing, coughing, little child.
She had not slept well at all, and she wouldn't stop fussing and crying.
Since it was Bugs' first full day at work, I took the baby to the doctor, who was very worried, took her right in and gave her two albuterol treatments. Then Chest Xrays to see if she had pneumonia. And put her on steroids Prednisone.
They couldn't tell me what was wrong, could be asthma, could be a virus.

The little twerp was a trooper, took her medicine and liked the nebulizer. She will even hold it herself. We have to give her this treatment every 4 hours, until they are certain what's wrong with her.
Another appointment tomorrow morning.


SGMKJ!