Almost March

We are beginning to look like a BIG girl, here I caught Boo at a pensive moment

Although she eats most of her meals at HER table on HER blue chair, with a real placemat and insisting on using a fork, during Oma's shower time in the morning she still eats in the high chair while watching Sesame Street with Opa.
Watching her eat with a fork is a hoot. She will pick up a pea, pierce it on a fork tyne and then eats it.The bigger stuff she manages to pick up with her fork just fine.

At the Target $1.00 bins we found this pink Easter hat. She loves it, has been running around wearing it, even while brushing her teeth.

So yes, I haven't been writing lately.
Frankly, I've been enjoying my peace and quiet courtesy of Paxil. What a difference a little pill makes. After two weeks I can definitely feel myself becoming calmer. I can think better, wrap myself around all the hubbub going on without breaking out in a sweat.

Babysitting is becoming more fun, as I don't feel so damn uptight anymore. I have also stopped giving Bugs advice and asking her how things are going. She will let us know when she wants to. I realize that we might have been too pushy on her.

She has another appointment for an ultrasound since her kidneys are starting to hurt again.

She has tried very hard to give me a break now and then and letting PH take care of Boo once in a while. They get along famously.

I had a birthday Sunday. Wheelie and I enjoyed going out to breakfast, and spending the day just resting and reading and watching movies.
Me on the couch with the phone next to me. It's the day when family from all over the world calls, and I love it. Other than that I didn't make any hoopla about it. No cake, no presents, no visits. But that's okay.

We've had some good rain the past few days. Today there are tornado watches out south of Atlanta again.

The new patio door braved the heavy rain last night, so our money seems to be well spent.

I did do some writing though. I've been trying to jot down a chronological calendar of Bug's relationship with Daddy, and everything that happened the past years. Just to get things straight in my own head. It's an interesting journey for me. Something I won't share with anyone, it's just a way for me to get an overview and understanding of everything that has happened, and still is happening.

I check the police blotter every day, but so far he has not been arrested. This is a small place, I can't understand why they haven't gone after him yet. The blotter is starting to show some arrests for failure to appear at child support hearings so perhaps they are working down the list.
Since we know where he hangs out and where he is currently staying it would be easy to pick up the phone and call the police and have him picked up.
But it's a precarious situation for Bugs. The guy Daddy is staying with is her other manager at work. Seems like half her staff hangs out with Daddy on a regular basis. She has seen him around town, and one time she caught his eye and he laughed at her, as to say: you can't catch me!

It's a crazy situation for her.
Of course if I had my druthers, I would call the cops in a flash. But I cannot interfere. I don't want to create a perhaps dangerous situation.
Letting her figure it out for herself. She has PH to help her now. She wants him to surrender his parental rights, doesn't care about the money anymore, but refuses to listen to us and find (another) lawyer or go back to the Child Support office.



So spring is almost here. We've got daffodils, blossoms, mockingbirds, robins, and the down comforter is starting to get too hot at night. I'm not giving up my flannel sheets though, not for a while.


SGMKJ!

No more leaks!

As you can see he took out the entire door, plus the frame. This guy was meticulous.
What impressed us was that he came on time. He brought everything he needed, including a broom and a garbage bag, a shop vac, millions of tools, his ladder a generator.
Wheelie was drooling over all the toys this guy had.

Apparently when they put the door in initially, they never caulked or sealed underneath the threshold. It was just sitting right on the slab of cement, creating slots for the water to stand and come in, and also creating spaces everywhere on the sides, going up the walls.

But this guy corrected the entire deal and told us that we would never see a drop of water in the living room again.

He even painted the new posts, inside and out and touched up the paint on the living room walls.

I had the bright idea to call Bugs the night before and ask her to provide a babysitter, because I could not see myself trying to contain a toddler with all that going on. Besides, it was 26 degrees, and it was COLD.
So PH offered to take her until everything was done, which was around 1PM. Perfect! Nap time!
She slept until 5 and after that it was a cinch. I didn't put her to bed until 9, but ten minutes after that mommy came and picked her up.

All in all a very satisfying day with nice results.

It will be a "late" day today for us today, so that gives Wheelie and myself some free time.

Tomorrow, PH is going to keep Boo the entire day, so I can have my birthday off.

Don't know what I'm gonna do, but...hahaha...it's not like we're going to have droves of guests knocking at the door bearing gifts wanting cake and ice cream...

Ah well, there will be the phone calls from overseas, always very welcome...

And Bugs is cooking dinner, not a bad deal either...

SGMKJ!

600 bucks later..............

The new awning

Boo saw it immediately when she walked in this morning

pointing:

"RAIN??!!!"

It took two fellows to install this awning about 10 minutes. Of course it was custom made, but $600???? Oh well.
So part of the door problem is hopefully solved.
Tomorrow morning the other guy will come and take the door out and then will reinstall it with enough goop to last a lifetime.

So much for our tax refund.
Yes, we filed early and got our refund in 7 days. Whew! Just in time.

So the next big expense will be a new computer. I don't know WHAT the guy did to it, but it sucks. It doesn't print, something to do with Windows DOS, and the anti virus program he put on here needs to be reinstalled.
If he had left well enough alone and left the empty disc in the drive so it would open, we would be able to, but now the drive is completely stuck.

We've added up how much we paid for repairs these past 6 years, we should have bought a new one to begin with. HA!

Anyway, life is calm these days. We're not going to upset the applecart by asking Bugs questions. She's tired, depressed, but how many times can to tell a person that she needs to DO something, when they have their own agenda and don't seem to take the bloody hints.

In the meantime it's still cold outside, but some trees are blooming and I saw a bunch of daffodils.

SGMKJ

More sadness in Australia (I hope you don't mind the picture, Iggy)

Picture taken on Fathers day 2008

My cousin Iggy just called. His (former) wife passed away this morning, after a brave fight with ovarian cancer.

He called from his car on his way with one of his sons to go be with the rest of the family, another son and a daughter. He has made that long 5 hour trip many many times these past months.

I met Wendy only once, when they were visiting my aunt in California one year. We hit it off right away. I would have loved to be able to get to know her better.

Her life was rough, she had problems with her back, disastrously botched back surgeries, spent years in much pain and in wheelchairs.

My thoughts go out to to my cousin and his kids, all grown now. They're gonna miss her.

(((Hans, Josh, Jacob and Laura)))

SGMKJ!

The good news is...........

..that the daffodils, the forsythia, and some of the blossoming trees are coming out.
The weather has been much warmer.

I had a great talk with my sister when I called her on her birthday yesterday. Realizing it has been a year since I started this blog, and I was there.
We are both sad that we're not together this year, either for her birthday, or her for mine.

The Paxil seems to have an ever so subtle affect on me, I LOVE the Ativan at night, just calms me down and helps me sleep like a baby, without the dreams.

Still, no pill can wipe out the dread and the worries. Especially when the other equations in this family are not helping.

I am exhausted.

The bad news is....my computer is SO f*cked up now, I don't know what to do anymore.
The guy who *fixed* it didn't do a good job. Now my printer wont work, something to do with the Windows he reinstalled, hell I don't know. The machine is still slow, and the Panda program sends me weird messages to reboot my computer (over and over and over)

I've been trying ever so gently to brace the subject with Wheelie: do we find another guy and spend another 200-300 bucks to get this fixed, or do we just go more into debt and buy a new one?
I looked up the paperwork from this computer, we bought it in 2003. A true dinosaur!
Alas, he won't tell me, perhaps he figures I will do it my way anyway, so what's the use suggesting anything, or he just doesn't give a hoot.

The best thing to do for me when things seem to clog up the brain is to go on neutral, and perform my little chores here at home, like changing the sheets, do the laundry, take a shower, clean the kitchen. Pick up toys tucked everywhere.

And here I hear the car...the girls are here.

Short day, Thank God.

SGMKJ!

Facebook and potty training

So I've never been the type of mom who forced the potty on my kids. I always waited until they "got it" themselves.
Frankly, I don't remember "training" either one of them.
My son grew up on a hill surrounded by woods and fields and he was au naturel most of the time anyway.
As for Bugs...I honestly can't remember.

So I thought I'd do the PC thing and buy Boo a potty, just to play with, and to 'talk' about it.
Hmmm...She plays with it alright, she shoves Bert in there every day, usually slams the lid on him too. Hence the confused look on his face.

I guess we'll just wait and see. While in the meantime dropping little hints.

She was rather rambunctious today, and my head is still spinning. Wouldn't take her nap. Which might be the new phase. ARGHHH...

Wheelie ruptured his eardrum by poking a Qtip in it. His hands must have been extra shaky this morning. SO now he has been dripping blood now and then. Guess that will mean a call to the doctor tomorrow.

One of my oldest friends in America hooked me up on Facebook.

Lord almighty!!!

It's amazing that people actually FIND you on there.

Like Sven...:>)

Three of my son's old friends from high school found me also. And it has been neat to read how their lives have turned out. Some sad stories, some happy stories, and one gal who was always OUT there, an artiste, who claims to be a bona fide porn star.
You go girl!

They all would love to get a hold of my son, but I wouldn't dare contact him for them.
I keep relaying the info to Puri, let him deal with it.

So my Face book is getting some hits. Neat! From my caregivers group. Nice to see pictures of people who's emails you read every day.

And the one who started it all, lord girlfriend, you are already so busy in your life (currently involved getting prop 8 reversed in CA) WHERE DO you GET THE ENERGY???

I am getting reports from Australia, via Holland, no less. I guess my cousin Margo took Iggy up on his offer to move to his cottage away from it all. I don't know if she took her computer, but they are safe for now.
It's just so impossible to imagine what they are going through. But everyone is safe. My aunt probably is in blissful oblivion, I hope they keep her that way, no use confusing her even more.

The weather has turned warmer today here. It was 70 degrees, we took a nice long walk. Played on the swings and slid down the slide.

Whoopee!

So on my day off yesterday I dragged myself to the Hobby Lobby to see if they had any yarn on sale. I've had my eye on this really kewl frilly loopy stuff that was made in Italy and cost 10 bucks a skein. Wonderful colors, difficult to pick from.
So it was my lucky day! $1.99 a skein! I promptly bought two of each color.
I then ran into a whole aisle with wind chimes and sun catchers and saw this leaded glass sun with beads and baubles hanging down from it. Got that too!

The Paxil and the la-la drug seem to be doing their job. I do feel a little lighter. And when I do feel the dread coming on I take my little white pill.
I even bought me a little pill box, cute little thing that says: Medicated and Motivated. *lol*

Bugs called me and asked me to go online to find out about non custodial parents/abandonment stuff...
Be proud of me now:

I told her to get her butt on over to the people who can actually ANSWER her questions. ARGHHH...

I'm going to bed now...watch the dog show.

SGMKJ!

In harm's way down under

I talked with my cousin Iggy last night. The fires in his state (Victoria) have now claimed over 200 people. He is in a spot where the fires haven't reached but he is extremely alert.

My other cousin however, who lives in "the woods and canyons" part of the state, has had to evacuate. They had to grab their most important possesions and flee. The were able to come back today and have been busy being vigilant, and clearing the brush and anything burnable around their house.
They personally know many people who didn't make it out.

She described it as Hell on Earth.

My mom called yesterday, concerned for them, as well as her sister, my aunt. But she is in a relatively safe place, in a town, and probably hasn't got a clue as to what's going on.

My cousin's ex-wife keeps fighting her battle with cancer. The doctors are amazed she is still with us.

My thoughts are with that part of my family today and the days to come.

I hope anyone who reads my blog will keep these loved ones of mine in your thoughts, and wish them safety, and keep them from harm.

SGMKJ!

Well, whaddayaknow!

Two years (or so) ago we sat on our front porch watching them take down a huge parcel of pine trees across the street.
We watched as they graded the area, started to build, and we wondered what would come to be there.

There was a sign in the front telling us that this would be the new doctor's practise of Dr. Ryan.

From neighbors I heard that he's the kind pf doctor who doesn't take insurance, whatever the hell THAT means.
I never gave it a second though, oh, I wondered if I could go see him once in a while, when I walked by every night with Boo in her stroller, but...

So for the past month or so, I have been feeling the little twitches of an incoming depression.
Been there done that.
First time back in Holland in 1975. When on my way to work, I froze on the sidewalk, and could not enter the streetcar. Scared stiff.
My doctor told me I needed to go out in the meadow for a while and subscribed a two week time-off (yeah, in Holland they do give you two weeks off to rest, with pay!)

The second episode came along when Grandma lived with us. For two years we struggled trying to give her a good home, give her good care, but along with some other marital issues, the day came when I was stricken by these huge anxiety attacks. Couldn't stand in line at the store, couldn't be in places with many people.

It was during a time when I didn't 'work' but did a lot of volunteer work, just to be out of the house. It took me about a year to get over this. Saw a psychologist, my doc put me on Zoloft, which after taking my first dose make me feel like I stuck my fingers in an electrical socket (wrong dose? who knows). So she switched me on Ativan. Instant relief.

But aside from the therapy and the drugs, eventually you need to hoist yourself out of the muck and get on with it. It took my (expensive but very helpful) visits to a naturopath to get me on the road to recovery.

Fast forward to 2009.

This time things were just coming to a head. In a very subtle way.
Every time I was in line in a store or the post office and started to feel weird I would kick myself and tell myself to knock it off, take a few deep breaths and got on.

Last Tuesday evening though, I could not sit still, I felt horrible, couldn't breathe, felt restricted in my chest. I told Wheelie I wasn't feeling well and went to bed.
When he came to bed not long there after I was shaking like a leaf and couldn't move.
I was so tempted to call 911, thinking I was having a heart attack, but knowing damn well that I wasn't.

So he crawled in bed and held me, as best as he could. My teeth were shattering, my hands and legs shaking, and then I had to run to the bathroom (that's probably where the expression Scared shitless comes from). After that things subsided. So I took one of Wheelie's Ambien and went to sleep.

When I told Bugs about this episode (and trying very hard not to sound like I was whining or making excuses,) she said: Why don't you just go to that doctor across the street? I always send "my" people there when they get hurt at work. He doesn't take insurance, he just charges a low fee, and is a very nice guy!

Since I was at my wits end and knew I needed some medicinal help, I walked across the street the next day while Boo was taking a nap, and Wheelie would 'watch' her (my cell number on his speed dial)

I was pleasantly surprised that there were no patients in the waiting room. The receptionist extremely friendly. She had me fill out a basic information form, and told me the visit would cost $50.

The doctor called me in, no white coat, no stethoscope, just a hand shake, and a smile, and a" let's see what we can do for you"

We sat and talked for 45 minutes. Him asking questions about everyone and everyone's situations in the family.
He wrote everything down on his laptop.
Just the fact that he just let me talk, and didn't interrupt me, asked his questions without any prejudice.

Then he took my BP...too high...listened to my heart...was fine.
I never had to take my clothes off and wear one of those ridiculous paper gowns either (and for this I shaved??)

He squared his shoulders and said: Mrs. Town, I am going to help you get to the light at the end of the tunnel! (I said: as long as it isn't an oncoming train)
Made him giggle.

He prescribed a low doze of generic Paxil, and a prescription for Ativan.

And he told me to send Bugs to come and see him.

And made an appointment to see ME again in two weeks. CHeck my BP again and if it's still high he will get some tests ordered (cheap)

If I had gone to Wheelie's clinic (without insurance) I would have had to fork over at least $300,
They would have ordered tons of tests (unnecessary probably) which would have cost me another buncha money.

Anyway, I could just kick myself for not going to see him before.

Who'd have known there was an old fashioned country doc right under my nose!
I mean, the man makes HOUSECALLS!

It was such an amazing and pleasant experience, I felt better already when I left.

He told me things are going to change. My plate is full. Basta!

I don't know when Bugs is planning on seeing him, but I will keep bugging her about it.

In the meantime, both her and PH want to get out of town. Their new area of interest is Tennessee. At least it's not far from here. They are planning on taking a week and going up to Murfreesboro and check things out.

I think that it's finally dawning on her, and sinking in, that life as it is can no longer go on. Not is she wants us sane and healthy.

I hope to God these antidepressants will work. I know the Ativan will, but I only take that if I feel it absolutely necessary.

We are so blessed to have such a sweet grand child to take care of, she is an angel, so easy going and always in a good mood. If she were a problem child (And I know what THAT's like too) I don't think I would have been able to do this for the past two years.

I am not going to fret about the possibility that they WILL move up there and we'll not see our little Boo as often anymore.

So, onward and upward.

Things are seemingly shifting...now all we need is patience....

SGMKJ!

Messy room

Remember the picture I showed when I moved my furniture around and Joann wondered how I can have such a neat room with a baby around?

welll....

I took this picture last night after a heavy duty day of serious babysitting!
And that's only half of the room!!

Thanks for those of you who wondered if I died along with the Black & Decker, but I've been under the weather of sorts.

I should be back to normal in about two weeks.

Whatever NORMAL is...

SO bear with me...I will try and answer emails, but the blog will have to wait...for now...

Until I get a flash of divine inspiration.

SGMKJ!