Not having a decent computer, or computer access in this day and age is terribly frustrating.
On top of that, this particular machine has not been updated in four years, and some sites won't even let me in, like eBay, or hotmail, or dockwave.
There isn't enough space to install new versions of this and that, so this will just have to do for now.
Along with the sticky keyboard.
I am feeling rather frustrated overall. Especially with Bugs and her schedule.
I am probably just working myself up into a tizzy over it, so I've decided not to pounce on her, but will wait until we can sit down and being calm about it.
But I basically am starting to feel used. Whether that is fair or not. Considering what she has on her plate etc.
But, I am feeling more and more taken advantage of, and it isstarting to affect my health. Panick / anxiety attacks right there under the surface.
And second guessing myself: am I overreacting? Am I really just looking for an excuse not to babybit?
I can't help thinking back when I was all gung ho about moving Wheelie's mom out here and taking care of her. Well, THAT lasted about a year, and then I fell into a depression, and she ended up in a nursing home. I could not handle it, and I still feel the guilt.
Am I looking for excuses?
Am I afraid that when things get hairier with Wheelie I will cop out as well, put HIM in a nursing home?
Am I just one of those whimps who cannot follow through on a promise?
I've put out my dilemma to my caregiver's group, and all of them tell me that I should put my foot down, that there is just too much on my plate, that Bugs is depending too much on me.
Nice advice if I had the guts to act on it.
It's extremely hard to look at your child's face, hear the tears in her voice.
Have I enabled her this much, that she is not able to take care of stuff herself?
Is this of my own doing?
Am I a coward for just wanting to pack up and leave, letting everyone just fend for themselves?
This is all just too much.
Really.
I had better take my sad face off, and take a few deep breaths, they will be here in a few minutes.
Onward and upward.
SGMKJ!
Haagse Toren
Haagse Toren, Church in Den Haag
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January
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- My Black & Decker died
- old friends
- Don't worry, I'm here
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- All of a sudden we're not a baby anymore
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- Call the insurance company dummy!
- No more kidney stones!
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- Coming up for air
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January
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3 comments:
It's not of YOUR own doing. It's the kind of thing that families do. You lean on her, and she leans on you. It's hard though, when we have to lean back. We're used to having the young ones lean on us. It feels awkward to have to lean on others. We've been independent for so long; it just doesn't come natural. Bugs has had a lot on her with the breakup and her health of late. It sounds to me like she's trying to get a better job, but that could take a bit. Instead of an all-or-nothing thing, why not talk to her about having Sunday/Monday off somehow? It's reasonable to get your needs met. You need some time without your grandaughter. Once all the stones pass and she's feeling decent again, just go to her and tell her you want Sunday and Monday off each week and that by March (or some other deadline) you'd like her to have arrangements made. She can negotiate with you if that's too difficult. Let her see what she can come up with as a plan. I think until you speak up to motivate her, she's going to take the easy (and cheap) route. I don't think she's trying to be selfish or insensitive. She's trying to survive. It's tough as a single parent. I think you can gently explain how you want to be the Oma and not a surrigate parent; that you need time to yourself. Strategize WITH her how this could be something she works toward. She's on your side. You just don't know it.
Meta, I agree with Joann.This is what Families do.
It was tough for me to say, I cant do this after only 3 months watching Jaiden. I love this Kid, but Ken had to find alternative babysitting . Daycare has proven to be a Wonderful place, he has learned so Much. She gets help from the State, have Bugs look into it. Wheelie needs You too,
I'm down to once a Week, and even with Help from Hubby, it drains this OLD SOUL, L*
Elaine
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